One of my favorite binge foods was Pepperidge Farm coconut cake. I could eat the whole cake by myself - and often deoid.
The funny thing was, I never intended to eat the whole cake when I brought one home! I'd tell myself, "This is just a little treat for myself."
I'd get one slice of cake and eat it. Hmm, that was SO good. Although I might go on to other activities, the memory of how good the cake tasted would be in the back of my mind. It was a persistent nagging. It seemed like the cake was talking to me: "Kim, come eat me, come eat
me!"
To shut the voice up, I'd eat another slice. It was STILL good. Although I'd try to discipline myself not to eat more cake, the battle was on. As the day went on, the part of me that wanted to do the right thing got weaker; the desire for the cake got stronger.
Eventually, I'd give
in.
I'd set the entire cake in front of me with a knife and fork. I allowed myself to blank out and became an eating machine. I would not stop until the cake was gone.
After I ate the whole cake, I'd feel sick to my stomach. But worse than the physical ache was the emotional pain left behind.
Feelings of bewilderment, disgust, shame, and guilt washed over me. How could I do this to myself? I went through this painful cycle for years. But it wasn't just cake that triggered these binges. Other foods seemed to have the same effect on me.
I used to ask myself, "Why don't I have any self control?"
But God showed me that I was asking the wrong question. He revealed the right question and that was the key to conquering this situation.